First time

"The first time?"

He scrunches up his face in an effort to remember. He turns and looks at the waves. I can see him starting to blush as the memory comes to him.                                                       

It hits me then that I've always loved to see him blush. 

"You remember Sadhana, right? One day after class, I drove her home in my bike", he continues, "she got down and without any warning, quickly leaned in and kissed me and then ran inside her house. That was the first time. It was very sweet and completely unexpected." 

"I wouldn't say unexpected. You are very kissable", I don't realize I had said that out loud until his head snaps around at me.

With mischief and mirth in his eyes he asks, "oh yeah? Then how come, all these years, you never kissed me?" 

"Because I was an idiot", I say, ready to throw caution to the wind.

He smirks and looks back at waves again.

"You know what?" I continue, " I'm much smarter now."

And that is the first time I kiss him. 

Are you cold?

I was reading Emily Henry's 'Happy Place' . Harriet there, doesn't want to show her sadness to her friends and family since she's worried that her sadness will sadden them and she definitely doesn't want to be the cause for their sadness. 

So she hides it and deals with it on her own. 

Which results in them considering her as closed-off and not sharing with them. So instead of making them sad, she's made them mad! 

Then I happen upon these lines from 'Dark Dark Wood' by Ruth Ware 

"I never know what to say in these situations. I hate people prying into my business, so I assume others will feel the same way. But sometimes they want to spill, it seems, and then you look cold and odd, backing away from their confidences. I try to be completely nonjudgmental - not pushing for secrets, not repelling confessions." 

Well ... stories of my life! Still haven't found the sweet spot between being inviting and gently repelling prying. Between sharing confidences and fear overwhelming. Between being warmly open and being a dumpster. 

Collateral damage of being considerate and independent is being perceived as standoffish and rude!

Note that these characters are the narrative voices in both these books and also here in this blog. Meaning... Our perception of self vastly differs from how we're being perceived! And we end up writing about it ourselves because how else can we explain!?

What heartens me is that if more then one author is writing of our cold standoffish characters, there's company for us! Art imitates life! And remember, these are protagonists. So my fellow narrators, do not fear of not being understood - keep bringing that main character energy!! 

We don't talk anymore

Don't wanna text you

Then I won't want to stop

Don't wanna call you

Then I won't want to hang up 

Don't wanna see you

Then I won't want to leave 

Don't wanna think about you 

Then I'll remember 

how much I miss you 

Friends in waves

 I walk along the shore

    kissed by the waves I adore

some stay on longer

    some flit away a stranger

all recede one day or another

    whether they flash by or linger

but each without fail

    bring me a precious pearl

those I gather in a strand

    and hold tightly in my hand

though waves may have gone afar

    the pearls stay close to heart

Castle

Brick by brick

Dream by dream

This palace of mine

Lives on a moonbeam

So vast a manor

Stands a mile high

Why is it that 

There's just you and I 

Every nook and corner

Filled with echoes 

Of our lived and loved 

Momentous joys

If I take you by hand

And walk you around

This dear castle mine

Where dreams abound

Will you be so shook

And think me delusional 

Or hearten my soul with 

'Mine is the same, my girl'

Milestone Birthday

 Wishes to a friend who truly shows how fabulous 50 can be!

ஆதவனை அற்புதமாக

ஐம்பது முறை சுற்றி விட்டாய்!

கால ஒட்டத்தை கொண்டாடும் இவ்வேளையில்

நினைவோட்டங்களில் சற்று சிலிர்ப்போமே!

அருமையான பொழுதுகள் ஆயிரம் உண்டன்றோ?

கொலு என்றால் பொம்மைகள் ஆவோம்!

கச்சேரி என்றால் பாடகியர் ஆவோம்!

மேடை என்றால் நர்த்தகியர் ஆவோம்!

Party என்றால் பட்டையை கிளப்புவோம்!

ஆமாம்….. அதெப்படி?

சந்திக்கும்போதெல்லாம்

சந்தோஷம் மட்டுமே காண்கிறோம்?

அழகான தருணங்கள் அமைந்த நம் நட்பில்

அகவையின் இடைவெளியை அன்பால் அளந்தோம்!

எதிர்ப்பார்ப்பில்லா அடித்தளம் கொண்ட 

இந்நேசத்தை என்றென்றும் தொடருவோம்! 

பெயர்களில் மட்டுமல்ல -

வாழ்விலும் பல கலைகளில் சிறந்தவளே!

ஆனந்தத்தை உருவாய்க் கொண்டவளே!

தோழி… நீ பல்லாண்டு வாழி!!

காலை எழுந்தவுடன்...

புலருகையில் புல் முத்தமிடும் புதுக்காலையில்

பூங்காற்று பூச்சொரியும் இளவேனிலின் இதத்தை
மிதச்சூட்டில் மனம் வருடும் தெளித் தேநீரின்
உதடு படா உள்செல்லலில் உணர்ந்ததுண்டோ?

அருந்துகையில் அகம் நனைக்கும் அந்நீரில்
இழையோடும் இனிப்பு உன்னதம் உணர்த்தும்
அந்நாளின் அல்லல், ஆவல், ஆக்கங்களை
ஆர்வமாய் எதிர்கொள ஆற்றல் தரும் அவ்வமிர்தம்!

Obsession

my hook sways; slow like death
searching for a prey constantly
you land on it and latch on firmly
oh.. why did you end up being my prey

the prey doesn't know it's caught
but for the hook it's all it has
whole of it's being consumed by
torturous thoughts of its prey

the prey still swims free
unaware that the hook shudders;
twist and turn I may
letting go, moving on is the hardest

my hook lives only here
the farthest deepest trench
that i'm fated to call the mind
so far from the reality it shall never see

in that reality our worlds collide
when you are you and I am me
but those moments are so far and few
they fade so quickly as dusk to night

a different world comes to light
i know it to be unreal; imaginary but
there we've lived a thousand lives
light years removed from what is true

as reality recedes, then comes the hook
impaling the prey in its metal claws
the agony and anguish are not for the prey
but for the mind that possesses the hook

மினுக்கு

பனிமூட்டம் படர்ந்த பின்னிரவு
பார்வைக்கு படவில்லை பனிநிலவு

ஆ!
பளிச்சென தோன்றி மறைந்ததென்ன?
விழி கண்ட பொழுதில் விரைந்ததென்ன?
அலற வைக்கும் ஆவியோ
உறைய வைக்கும் உருவமோ
நிலை கொள்ளா நினைவுத் துகளோ
திடுக்கிடச் செய் தீப் பிழம்போ
இல்லை
இல்லை
மின்னி மறைவது மின்மினி ஒன்று
அண்டத்தின் ஆதித் தீயைத் தன்
அங்கத்தில் அழகாய் அடக்கி
கட்டுக்கடங்கா என் கற்பனையோட்டத்தை
கண நேரத்தில் கட்டியிழுத்து
ஞானச் சுடரேற்றிச் செல்லும் ஒளி அது!