Are you cold?

I was reading Emily Henry's 'Happy Place' . Harriet there, doesn't want to show her sadness to her friends and family since she's worried that her sadness will sadden them and she definitely doesn't want to be the cause for their sadness. 

So she hides it and deals with it on her own. 

Which results in them considering her as closed-off and not sharing with them. So instead of making them sad, she's made them mad! 

Then I happen upon these lines from 'Dark Dark Wood' by Ruth Ware 

"I never know what to say in these situations. I hate people prying into my business, so I assume others will feel the same way. But sometimes they want to spill, it seems, and then you look cold and odd, backing away from their confidences. I try to be completely nonjudgmental - not pushing for secrets, not repelling confessions." 

Well ... stories of my life! Still haven't found the sweet spot between being inviting and gently repelling prying. Between sharing confidences and fear overwhelming. Between being warmly open and being a dumpster. 

Collateral damage of being considerate and independent is being perceived as standoffish and rude!

Note that these characters are the narrative voices in both these books and also here in this blog. Meaning... Our perception of self vastly differs from how we're being perceived! And we end up writing about it ourselves because how else can we explain!?

What heartens me is that if more then one author is writing of our cold standoffish characters, there's company for us! Art imitates life! And remember, these are protagonists. So my fellow narrators, do not fear of not being understood - keep bringing that main character energy!! 

We don't talk anymore

Don't wanna text you

Then I won't want to stop

Don't wanna call you

Then I won't want to hang up 

Don't wanna see you

Then I won't want to leave 

Don't wanna think about you 

Then I'll remember 

how much I miss you 

Castle

Brick by brick

Dream by dream

This palace of mine

Lives on a moonbeam

So vast a manor

Stands a mile high

Why is it that 

There's just you and I 

Every nook and corner

Filled with echoes 

Of our lived and loved 

Momentous joys

If I take you by hand

And walk you around

This dear castle mine

Where dreams abound

Will you be so shook

And think me delusional 

Or hearten my soul with 

'Mine is the same, my girl'

The mind is the master

I heard from various quarters that Kalloori was a very nice movie and is a must watch. But they also cautioned me that it is a tragedy and that I should be prepared for that. And that put me off. I already had enough problems of my own, thank you. I'd rather not spend three hours of my life wallowing in someone else's sorrow! All I wanted to watch were cartoons and comedies. Let me live happily in the virtual world atleast. How many ever happy endings I watched, my problem was mine. It had come to stay.
Then Fate spit on its hands and got down to work deciding it was time to play some more with my life. It did a small twist and suddenly everything straightened out. Life was painted a rosy hue. Now that I was no longer weighed down with the bad , I felt brave enough to watch the tragedy.
I found that when there is happiness and security coming from inside of you, tragic movies do not affect you much. I was able to enjoy the movie, the direction and the acting all of which were in the superlatives. I'm sure if I had seen this movie when I was already sad, I would've given it more unhappy connotations than usual and spent time in wailing!! But now, I spent more time focussing on the happy parts of the movie, rejoicing with the characters whenever they celebrated their friendship.
It's all in our mind. We tend to paint the world with our colors. When we are sad, it's the end of the world as we know it. But when we are happy, everything around us turns to be all joy and wonder.
All our world is contained inside our little minds.. they're our true masters!

Voices in my head

"Come on girl...You can do it."

"Oh yea right! Like I believe that."

"Man! He's cute!"

"What the f***???"

"Does she hate you? Why? Doesn't she like what you did? Why? What else could you have done? Could you have explained why you did it? Would she have listened? Is she worth the bother? Oh what the heck. Forget her. If she doesn't understand she's just not worth it!!!"

"Why me?"

"God please take him. Please. Please."

"Ooooh that was amazing!"

"God please make her see sense!"

"Do you have any idea how much I hate you?"

"Do you have any idea how much I like you?"

"If only ..."

"So what are you planning to do now?"

"Can you believe she did that?"

"What's the point?"

"Get out of my way you ass****"

"You are soooo good at this!"

"That's it baby! You've done it! Great going sweetheart!"

"Hope you know that what you're doing is absolutely wrong. It's frowned upon!"

"I just wish..."

"Why not?"

"Yes it is."

"No you won't"

"Can't wait to get the hell outta here"