"hello" blinks the text from him. Out of the blue. I double check to make sure of the sender's name.
Did I manifest this? Though it's been radio silence between us, no one else occupies my thoughts as thoroughly as him. All those imagined conversations, all those telepathic questions - had they finally crossed the seas to him? Never had I intently stared at one single word for so long.
Keeping the questions to myself I cautiously only say hello back.
He continues with a "How are you?"
What's he up to? I continue to wonder. For someone who had said he 'doesn't do texting' this sure seems to be an adventure.
Also, the formality is making me spin my wheels at mile a minute. Why, why, why is he initiating contact?
Instead of screaming out the multitude of questions my overactive brain comes up with,
"I'm ok", say I cautiously. "Yourself?"
Yup, formal is at least safe.
"Fabulous"
Ummm .. what?!
He follows that with a "where are you"
Ok now I need some answers, "I'm at work. Why?"
"Oh no reason"
He always has the perfect hook and I'm always the stupidest fish in his sea.
I consider cooling off, letting it stew, maybe focus on my task at hand instead, maybe ignoring him, mayb- I call him.
Now I'm the one who doesn't text. I can't pretend to be aloof anymore.
"What's up", I try being casual but can't. "Why did you ask me where I am?", I blurt out.
'is the world ending and he's actually traveled over here for the first time ever and he's checking to see if I'm still living here so that he can look me up and I can finally get to show him all my favorite haunts and we can...' my brain is a hot air balloon inflating with the possibilities.
"I'm back home and was going by your neighborhood and thought of meeting up. I was wondering if you were visiting your family for Easter"
Way to deflate that balloon, buddy!
Still... he's back in our hometown and wants to know if I am. Why? So that we can meet as 'friends'? So that I can be reminded anew of everything about him that I dearly miss? So that I can yearn after something I can never have?
Still... him making the first move and asking if I'm there makes the edges of my heart melt.
'Stop that shit you absolute idiot' - no one scolds me better than myself.
"Uh.. no. I can't take off from work now. So I'm staying back here"
"Ah, busy bee! How's work?'
And it's back to the same old story - all he needs to do is give me one word, one glance and I drop every single thing. Involuntarily. Unashamedly. My entire universe comes to a sole focal point. Him.
For the next forty minutes - natural, easy, interesting conversation. It's back to being 'us'. As if the last four years never happened.
Wait - last four years!
Four years of 'what ifs' and 'if onlys'.
Four years after deciding 'I don't think this is going work. We should just be friends'.
Four incredibly tough years of trying to get over him.
Alarm bells finally pierce through my thick skull.
"I have to go", I mutter. Though it sounds like an abrupt and rude end to me, as always he bids me a cheerful adieu. And never does he say 'don't go'. Never does he ask me to stay on. How is letting go so easy? And when will I gain that skill?
I know that the second the End Call button was pressed, his world will go back to the one without me in it. Smoothly. Effortlessly.
But mine will take a long, long time to stop spinning on his axis and find stability on my own.
Is this what living in parallel worlds feels like?
