கன்னியின் கனவில்...

மென்மையான காதல்,
அளவான நேசம்,
பண்பான புரிதல்,
லட்சிய குணம்,
எழுத்துக்களில் ஆர்வம்

இவை யாவும் கொண்டவனை
மணந்து கொள்ள தான் ஆசை

ஆனால், என் செய்ய!
நான் பாஞ்சாலி அல்லவே..

Singing in the Rain

Generally we sing when we're happy. I do too. I love Rain. When rain comes, my happiness increases. Soooooo, I tend to sing whenever there's rain! It's been raining for a whole day here. Plus, browsing Priti's blog showed me the way to post my songs! By 'my songs' here, I mean those I have sung (of course!). Maybe sometime in the future, I may write and tune my own songs (fingers crossed!). For now, I can only sing what others before me have sung, like the one below.


Nila Kaigiradhu

The Gift

It was their second wedding anniversary. Myra woke up to her husband's gentle nudging. "Happy Anniversary, Myra", he smiled down at her.

"Same to you, Lyan", she grinned sleepily.

"Come, get up. Come and see my anniversary gift", he pulled her to her feet.

He almost dragged her along the corridor to his lab at the other end of their house. "Lyan, slow down", she laughed breathlessly. But he ploughed on eagerly, not listening to her. They came to a stop at the door to his lab.

"Mrs.Lyan, I present to you", he threw open the door of the lab, "SWONIZON!!!".

Inside the lab, in the midst of all Lyan's strange appratuses stood a large obelisk. It was stragely shimmery and looked as if it was made of molten silver.

Myra caught her breath. "Oh its so beautiful. What is this?".

"This, My girl, is our dream come true!"

"Lyan, you don't say so! Have you done it? Really? Oh Lyan I'm so proud of you!".

Myra's husband was an enthusiastic scientist. Myra knew that he had been fascinated by the concept that many parallel universes exist at one point of time, and that he had been trying to achieve a way to travel through these universes.

"Myra I've done it! The Swonizon can travel through the universes!"

His feverish excitement had caught on to her as well. She pulled on his sleeve and tremblingly whispered, "Lets go for ride!"

"Wait a bit. I've got another gift for you!"

She turned to him in happy anticipation. He dragged her close and planted a resounding kiss on her lips. "Love you", he murmured. "mmmmm" was all she could mutter.

He then walked towards the machine holding her hand. He drew a pattern on the wall of the obelisk. It parted, revealing an opening wide enough to walk through. They walked in and the wall slid back smoothly. Lyan drew some patterns on the wall. Before she knew it, they were moving! Myra had the feeling that she was being pulled forward. She could feel each and every movement of every atom in her body.

After what seemed like two minutes, she felt back to normal. Lyan repeated his patterns and the wall started parting. Before they could fully open, Myra who was so eager to see the new world, stepped out pulling Lyan along. As they started to walk out of the obelisk, Lyan's hand scraped against the walls and at the next instant the walls had closed in on Lyan!

Myra turned in horror and yelled out "Lyan!". But it was of no use. The obelisk gave one final shimmer and zoomed out to a small dot. Absolute terror froze Myra to the spot.

After sometime she looked around, taking in her surroundings.
She was by a large tree which had some statues underneath. She did not know the country. She did not know the language. The only thing she knew was that it is the place she had last seen her Lyan and it is the place where she would wait for his return.

Years have passed. If you pass by that tree, you may see an ageless, dirty looking woman in torn clothes sitting under the tree, looking longingly at each passing vehicle, hoping that one of them will bring her Lyan back.

She sits there, with a torn cloth tied over her lips, holding in the one thing that her Lyan left her...the last kiss.




Author's Note: The incidents in the above story are of course a product of my imagination, but the woman is not. She's a real woman. She can be found in the area near the Nandambakkam bus stop. She will be either sitting inside the bus stop or under the big tree near the bus stop. The cloth tied over her lips is real too. That was the one thing that brought my attention to her. And the strangely haunting look in her eyes...ahh...that's real too.

Voices in my head

"Come on girl...You can do it."

"Oh yea right! Like I believe that."

"Man! He's cute!"

"What the f***???"

"Does she hate you? Why? Doesn't she like what you did? Why? What else could you have done? Could you have explained why you did it? Would she have listened? Is she worth the bother? Oh what the heck. Forget her. If she doesn't understand she's just not worth it!!!"

"Why me?"

"God please take him. Please. Please."

"Ooooh that was amazing!"

"God please make her see sense!"

"Do you have any idea how much I hate you?"

"Do you have any idea how much I like you?"

"If only ..."

"So what are you planning to do now?"

"Can you believe she did that?"

"What's the point?"

"Get out of my way you ass****"

"You are soooo good at this!"

"That's it baby! You've done it! Great going sweetheart!"

"Hope you know that what you're doing is absolutely wrong. It's frowned upon!"

"I just wish..."

"Why not?"

"Yes it is."

"No you won't"

"Can't wait to get the hell outta here"

Made to Order

Priti bade me to write something on a topic she gave me.
Here's to you prits! My small effort :-)


மனம் ஒரு மகாபாரதம்

அடுத்தவன் அழுதென்ன சிரித்தென்ன?
கண்டுகொள்ள நேரமின்றி

'என் கதையே பெரிய கதை'
சலித்துக் கொள்ளும் மனமே

ஆர்வமிருந்தால் படித்து விடலாம்
அடுத்தவர் மனதையும் எளிதாக

அங்குள் இருப்பது வெறும் கதையல்ல
சுவையான, திகட்டாத காவியம்.

இயற்கை

முடிவில்லா பாதை போல் எதிர்கால எண்ணங்கள்,
நட்சத்திர குவியலாய் ஆசைக் கனவுகள்,
பார்க்கும் குழந்தையின் சின்னக் கண்களில்
எனக்கு மட்டுமே தெரியும் தண்ணிலவு,
நீந்தி விளையாட எண்ண அலைகள்,
மூழ்கி முத்துக்கள் எடுக்க ஆழ் மனம்,
சுடும் சொற்களால் வறண்ட நெஞ்சம்,
கோபம் கொண்டு கொதிக்கும் உள்ளம்,
நட்பு தந்த பசுமையான நினைவுகள்,
சுற்றம் தந்த நெடிந்துயர் பெருமை,
ஆசையில் பொழியும் பாச மழை,
பொங்கி பெருகும் ஆனந்த வெள்ளம்,
அன்பு பீரிடும் அருவி இதயம்,
நாள் தவறாது உதிக்கும் பசி,
மனதின் மையத்தில் ஓர் வெற்றிடம்,

இயற்கை - எனக்குள்ளும், என்னைச் சுற்றியும்.

இழப்பு

நினைத்ததை சொல்ல
உரத்துச் சிரிக்க
தேம்பி அழ
சொல்லாமல் அறிய
யாரும் இல்லாத போது
தோள் கொடுத்த தோழமை.
அந்நட்பில் தனிமை இழந்தேன்

சில்லென்ற மாலையில்
அழகான கடற்கரையில்
இளங்காற்று வருடுகையில்
மனம் விட்டு பேசுகையில்
உன் ஆழமான புரிதலில்
அந்நட்பில் கவலை இழந்தேன்

இழந்தவை எத்தனையோ.
கண்டறிந்தது ஒன்று.

இழப்பு - இனிமை தான்.

Hindsight

It was her favorite pastime. Reading. She always found it so exciting. It felt like people from the days of yore were conversing with her through those printed pages.
One such book was holding her enthralled. Her eyes flew over the lines, taking in every word, '...on hindsight, I realise that...'

"Hindsight? What can that mean?", while she was looking it up in her trusty dictionary, her agile mind was busy offering its own meanings. "Maybe it's looking at what's behind. Or maybe it's looking through the behind. Oh what nonsense am I talking? Here it is. Dictionary says 'Hindsight n. - recognition of the realities, possibilities, or requirements of a situation, event, decision etc., after its occurrence.' So that's hindsight huh? Well."

Back to reading it was. But there was a quitely nagging thought at the back of her mind - 'Looking through the behind? Why on earth would I get such an idea?'

It was while she was lying awake at night after switching off the lights, that the old story she had read came to her mind. "If that man can look through closed eyes, why can't I look through the back of my head?". The idea took her fancy strongly. She got up, rummaged her bookshelf for that book. "Aha, there you are", she read the story again giving special importance to the measures the hero of the story takes to see through his closed eyes. He had spent years in the effort.
"Can I make the story come true?", she wondered. "Oh, go sleep you idiot", she chided herself, "This is a not a story book. It's your real life. Stuff like these don't happen in real life"

The idea persisted. She could not make it go away. She started practising the same methods. She put a candle behind her and tried to see the flame while closing her eyes. Though she could easily imagine it she could not see it. Everyday, she used to sit for a couple of hours and try.
"Oh I give up", she was exasperated. "It's been three whole months and I see not a thing".

But she was vaguely familiar of an impression of the flame when she closed her eyes. "Am I seeing it or imagining it as usual? Well it won't hurt me to try a li'l longer".

Stronger and stronger became the image, until one day when she screwed up her eyes tight, she saw an orangish oval. "Is that the flame?", She was excited. And lost her concentration. The image vanished.

Months sped by. She had used up more candles than a church. "Last day today. I give up if I don't see", she decided. She shut her eyes tight and started concentrating. The orangish blur slowly began to take shape. In a few minutes, it was the flame!!! She could even discern the blue part of the flame.

From that it was but a step to see other less brighter things. Slowly but steadily she practiced until one day her tremulous idea became real. She could see through the back of her head! She had developed a 'hindsight' - true to its literal meaning! But she revealed the secret to none but a trusted few of her cronies. Her extraordinary ability helped her become what she is today - an ultra successful undercover agent.

Even now, as she walks away from me after reading the above, what I have written about her, she knows that I'm smiling at her. I wave at her and she waves back....without turning.

Of Shares and Bonds

I had taken the day off from work. The morning passed by in front of the TV and with my book. Towards evening when I was looking for something to do, I was delighted by a message from my buddy, "Hey we're coming to your place now. Lets go shopping!".

Alrity! I was all geared up. Any time spent with my best buds was always fun. Since our respective lives now had other priorities, the time we three spent together had reduced considerably. Any planning that we do to get together almost always ended in a flop show.
It was impromptu outings like these that spelled F-U-N!

An evening of shopping followed by an absolutely scrumptious dinner at Pasta Fresca - A dinner peppered with animated conversations and shared confidences - The evening had all the ingredients that would make a Girls' Day Out all the more enchanting!

Life is beautiful when it's shared with best friends!

Guilty

A hot morning. Heavy traffic. You know how it is. You are impatient. But you have to move in inches. Further down the road, the traffic cleared a bit. I was whizzing past when I saw a guy on the road side telling two others "Hit the brain, I think", pointing behind him and then pointing to his head. That slowed me down. This isn't a normal conversation.

A few feet from them, I saw a man being helped to sit by two others. One of them was patting the man's cheeks saying "it's nothing sir. it's nothing. Sit up". The other was holding the man by his armpits.

The man himself was bleeding from his head. I could see bloody skin peeled off from the top of his head. His hair was matted with the blood. The blood had run down his neck and his shirt was wet with it. What really bothered me were his eyes. He had a wild, bewildered look in them. He looked as if he did not believe it. As if he didn't know what's happening around him.

I passed on.

I did. I then realised to my consternation that I did not stop and offer help. I was in a two wheeler. I accused myself of not offering to take him to the hospital.
I tried to appease my conscience saying that the five guys would take ample care of him. I did not need to barge in. But conscience is a tricky friend. It still bothers me that I did not stop.

Did I do the right thing?

The Girl and The Machine

Rewind to a coupla years back.
"I'm planning to buy a two-wheeler", I told the Pater.
The mercury hit the top. "My daughter on a scooter? On these terrible roads? I absolutely forbid it! I won't have you breaking any bones!" (He meant others' bones of course!)
Right-o! Another dream down the drain. But, the spark wasn't completely extinguished.

Fast forward to the present.
My unc came up to me, "I can't use my bike because of my operation. Do you wanna take it to office or something?"
Do I??!!
Though he was apprehensive about the Pater's reaction, I convinced him with my mother's golden words - 'What they don't know can't hurt them'.

I was all set to go. With his helmet (which I believe he got as a wedding gift - 40 years ago) on my head, like a good girl I went straight to office. I was already late and had to hurry. So I took the short straight path. After an usual day, I was eager to start home, with a stop on the way for some shopping.

With my jacket on, without the hindrance of that helmet (I know, I know, breaking rules and all that - but the wind rushing through you - what an exhilarating feeling! (Plus my sense of fashion (ahem!) prevented me from wearing that scrap metal (I've got to stop here before I put up any more parentheses))), I started my journey.

It was my dream to take a bike and explore hitherto unknown streets in my town. I was so excited that I was gonna live my dream! I started with taking any and all side streets that took my fancy. I avoided known main roads. I explored my area to my heart's content. I must admit, I did hit upon numerous dead ends and no-entries. I went in circles. The journey which should normally take me about an hour took me nearly one and a half. But did I care? Oh no!
What did those matter when compared to the Liberation that I felt?

Estranged

--A Sequel to Sunny Boy--

A gentle romance had bloomed between our hero and heroine. The relationship had progressed so far as to calling each other by their own private pet names. Soumya was 'Jenny' to Vinay, after his on-screen sweetheart. Vinay was lovingly called 'Vinu' by his girlfriend.

Vinay was in a good mood. The next day was his birthday. His girl had promised him a surprise gift. He had tried to find out from her what it may be. Try as he might, she was pretty adamant about not giving him the least hint. "It's gonna be something that nobody else has given you before" was all she would say. He spent the whole day day dreaming what she might have in store for him.

"Happy Birthday Vinu!", of course it was her voice that wished him at the stroke of midnight. "Thanks baby", he was happy that her wish came first. What continued was another of those talks-that-last-through-the-night! It had become a habit to Vinay to discuss everything under the sun with his Jenny.

The next day dawned bright and clear. She met him with a parcel. "Here's your gift".
Vinay eagerly tore the wrapping. Inside was a talking clock!
"A clock??", he was surprised.
"To remind you of me with each tick", she smiled. "Also, I want you to wake up with my wish in your ears".
"What do you mean?", enquired Vinay.
"Check out what it plays for the alarm tone", said Soumya.
He pressed the button to play the alarm. "Good morning Vinu. Have a happy day!" trilled Soumya's digitized voice.
"You're right. No one else has given such a thing to me", said Vinay trying not to show his disappointment at such a tiring wake up call!

As the days went by, Vinay began to get the feeling that he was having too much of his girlfriend. Not only was she constantly in his mind, she was physically present by his side at every available opportunity. Though their workplaces were different, they met for lunch, coffee and evening walk. If they did not meet, they conversed over phone. Or it was text messaging. Vinay felt that they each need a bit of personal space. The danger of them becoming much too dependent on each other was imminent. Such a thinking led him to accept a project at Delhi.

Though it almost physically hurt him to think about leaving his Jenny, he convinced himself saying that a separation might actually do them good. When Soumya heard this, she was devastated. "You're gonna be gone for a month?"
"It's an official assignment Jenny. I can't say no", he tried to persuade her to let him go.
"I can't be away from you that long", she wailed.
Heightened of his earlier impression about their increasing dependency, he told her with a hard and firm voice, "It just has to be done".

Is this the parting of ways? Or will distance teach Vinay the preciousness of their time together?
Or will the same distance help Soumya understand that she can be happy in her own space?
Only Old Father Time has the answers.

Mood Music

A drive in ECR is always pleasant. If you have music to accompany your drive, it's the tops!
On one such drive, I was fiddling with the radio to find a good station. My taste in music usually changes as frequently as the weather. That day, I tended towards melodies. I hit on a station that was playing a hitherto favorite song of mine, Evano Oruvan from the flick Alaipayuthe. A soulful high pitch rendering by Swarnalatha.
I was shocked to hear my friend say, "Hey change the damn song. Why is that female screeching so awfully? Find a station that plays a better song".
He changed the station to a one playing a lilting number. He looked at me and said, "Why are you listening to such sad songs now? Let's hear happy songs Mat".
Though I didn't realise at that time, the change in the tune made a definite impact on my mood.

Another time, when I was listening to another melodious number, Mudhal Mazhai from Bheema, my friend came up to me and suggested that I hear another song from the movie which was of a buoyant nature. The Rangu Rangamma she suggested played a significant role in keeping my mind in a happy frame.

Generally when we're sad, subdued or in silent contemplation of life, we tend to listen to music that reflects our mood. But, I find that people such as my aforementioned friends, who tend towards cheery songs are invariably almost always in a cheery mood. They liven up the place.

Do songs define our mood? Or do we select the songs we wish to hear based on our mood? I found that whatever my mood be, listening to a bouncy number always perks me up! Life is happier :-)

Sunny Boy

--This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living is purely intentional--

-- Dedicated to RNVK--

Vinay was your average kinda guy. Although if you go upto him and say this, he won't accept so (like the other average guys).

He had an average life - he studied engineering with a hundred thousand others. He signed up for work at a software company like a million of his fellow engineers. He had the average dreams of a young Indian. He had crushes on movie actresses. He was crazy about Jennifer Aniston. He was in love with Andrea Jeremiah. He dreamt about the perfect girlfriend. He had the average gang of friends.

In the average life of our hero, the next average thing to happen was an interest to pursue higher studies. Marketing was his forte. A distance-learning course of MBA was his choice.

The students taking the course planned on meeting each other and sharing notes. Little did Vinay knew that he will be sharing more than notes at the proposed meet!

They all met over coffee. Vinay glanced across the table. The world stopped. Time froze. Eternity became nothing. Never became forever. He had seen his Andrea. All his universe was concentrated on a single point. SHE was there. He did not know her name. He did not need to. She was his Jennifer. She was his dream. He felt like he was falling through a black hole. He was not scared. Because her hands were there, to hold him up, to cradle him, to soothe him,
to love him. He knew that all the 24 years of his life, he had travelled many paths just to reach this destination. She was his destiny.

He woke from his daze to realise that someone was talking to him. He shook his head and saw. It was HER!

"Hey Vinay ", she smiled.

"How do you know my name??", he was surprised.

"Oh I asked. Listen, I heard that you need some help with accounts. Maybe I can help you with that?", she offered.

Can you feel hot and cold at the same time? Vinay did. Like many average guys, he does not read Shakespeare. But if he had, he would've identified with the bard who said
"There is a tide in the affairs of men
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;"

Vinay knew this was such a tide."Thanks. I'd love that.", he grinned.

"Sure, anytime", she turned and walked away.

He realised he hadn't asked for her name. Though his mind said 'Andrea' and 'Jennifer' over and over again, he was sane enough to realise that he couldn't very well call her by either.

"Um..Hey..your name?", he called out.

His vision turned and threw over her shoulder the two syllables that were to be his mantra,
"Soumya".

So bloomed a gentle story of love and friendship. What happens thereafter? Ah well, that's another story. Yet to be written, by the Hand that writes all.

Umbrella

It was a sunny morning in Chennai. ('like a million others' I hear the voices in my head say disgruntled.) The 'sunny' in the above sentence definitely doesn't strike the same note as the "sunny beaches of Florida" you read about in guidebooks and adverts. This 'sunny' scorches. It makes you sweat copiously. It saps your energy. It spoils your mood. But I digress.

As I was saying, the sun was making itself felt ferociously. I got down from my bus and started the walk to my office buildings. I was not in a sunny disposition (pun intended!). The prospect of a walk in that sun daunted me. Nonetheless, I hiked on.

It was after I had taken maybe about 20 steps that I realised something wasn't just right. There was a bunch of guys walking maybe 20 feet ahead of me. They were under the sun. They had clearly defined shadows moving along them. Whereas me, I had no shadow to speak of. I didn't feel the sun either. I looked up and saw that a little cloud was shading me from the sun. I whispered a silent thanks and hurried on.

Now that's when I realised something very interesting. As we walked on, I was always under the shady part and those guys were always under the sun. I looked up and saw that the cloud was actually moving along the same direction as I. And at the same pace too.

Of course, such a natual phenomenon might occur to anyone. But me, I refused to take it that way! I felt absolutely special. I felt like The Alchemist's Santiago. I felt that all the Universe had conspired to protect me from the scorching rays!

Well, who else had their very own heavenly umbrella?!?!

In the Woods

"Lets stop here for a while. I want to rest", the pater stopped the car.
We were driving our way homewards when the above happened. There were nascent woods on both sides of the road.

My mind already crammed with romantic ideas sown by the likes of Enid Blyton, Nesbit, Lucy Montogomery etc., I could not pass on this opportunity to read in the woods!
Armed with my book, I took the footpath that snaked into the woods. There was I, in search of a good tree bark, wandering in that little copse. Sound romantic enough? Well that's when reality bit!

I realised that I had stepped onto some droppings (human or canine...no idea!). I cringed. My balloon deflated a little.Luckily there was a trickle of a brook running nearby. I went to it and washed my sandals clean of the soil.
Then I wended my way again in search of a suitable tree. I finally hit upon one and leaned on it and started reading. Soon, I was joined by other intrepid explorers such ants (large, mean looking black ones), flies (in varied sizes) and other less likeable members of the insect kingdom. To add to all these, there were blood thirsty mosquitoes that were pecking me.

Nonetheless, I bravely went on reading (just for the heck of it I admit!). My bravery paid off. I had the novel experience of sitting under a drizzle and not getting wet! That's right. Soon it started drizzling. And I realised that only from the pitter-patter of raindrops on the leaves. The trees grew close enough to form a green umbrella for me! So, to be fair, reading in the woods does have its perks! But it isn't such a song as they make out to be!

So the next time someone tries to sell you the idea that 'reading in the woods' is a romantic not-to-be missed experience, bonk them on the head.
Oh, and you're also free to show them this post! ;-)

Tiny Delights

• realising that you're opening your eyes to a holiday
• snuggling under the blankets when there's rain at the window
• eating ice cream and watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S
• smiling at a stranger
• reading your old birthday cards
• being kissed by a baby
• hearing that you're loved
• getting your favourite book at half price!
• getting the crack code of a coveted software
• having phone lines blocked on birthday night
• driving high speed and listening to woh lamhay
• getting drenched in the rain
• eating amma's hot pongal with tomato chutney
• falling asleep without bothering about the morrow.
• suddenly realising how much you love someone
• having a lot of comments to the blog (hint!)

Life of a Celebrity ;-)

I went to the pharmacist near my home to get some medicines. I was visiting the shop after a long time period, maybe 3 months. I got what I wanted and was waiting to pay. The shop assistant looked at me and asked, "Ma'm, don't you want ------?" (naming a medicine I used to use sometime back frequently). I looked up at him, surprised that he remembered and told him "No I don't buy it now".
"Oh if you do, don't go to any other shop Ma'm, always come to ours", he said.
"Ya. Sure. Whatever", I replied, still in a daze that he remembered stuff like that!

Another day, I went to get a wallet at a big departmental store near my home. I was browsing through their selection, when the salesgirl came up to me. You would expect her to say "May I help you with something?". I did too.
But what she said was, "You back from office early today, Ma'm?".
I was startled and looked at her and gave her an enquiring look. (When I'm surprised or startled, I tend to lose my vocalising ability!)
She smiled at my surprise and told me, "We see you everyday, passing by our shop in the evening".
I said "Oh". (not very good with words, as I said earlier!!)
I was even more surprised at her usage of "we". Then I saw her fellow salesman standing behind her a little way off, giving me the same smile as her.
"Oh....Uh....that's very nice....Uh....Yea I came back early from office..."


Well, now I know what a celebrity must feel like!!*tongue in cheek*
It must be tiring to lose your privacy and have complete strangers come up to you and recite your daily schedule,likes and dislikes!
Although I won't say that I didn't like these two little exchanges! As a human being, it does feel nice that others take notice of you!
:-)

A bird in hand

Another thought on being content.. Interpersonal relationships is one main area where being content is a super important trait to have. Sadly, many of us lack it when it comes to relations.

In my experience, I see that no matter how many ever friends I might have, if someone's friendship is what I cannot have, then that is what I'll seek. I can never be content until I have made her/him a friend too. Unfortunately, in the process I may upset a few apple carts, but I plough through, nothing deterred.

People, it doesn't matter if we have a hundred birds in hand, it's always the two in the bush that attract the eye!

Escape Route

The most common human tendency is always 'to look for something better'. Very few of us are truly contented with what we have, be it in anger or happiness.

This is all the more common when we're in trouble or when we're stressed. We look for 'a way out'. We want to 'get away from it all'.

One of the escape routes that I've found very useful is taking a walk thru the past. And if you have a friend who comes along with you in the walk, it becomes pleasanter. Reminiscing over the shared memories always elicits a smile and provides temporary but good relief from your troubles. For after all, what are troubles but clouds that pass by! And these reminiscences are the ray of sunshine that seeps through those clouds!